As a millennial, where I want relationships to begin


Thom Singer (who btw has a new book on the way) left an excellent comment on my “Cut the chitchat – carry a dossier everywhere!” post. because my response is so long, i figured i’d make it a post. you can read his original comment here.

i do see you’re point tom. i would never give up the time i’ve spent getting to know my girlfriend – those getting to know you talks were and still are the very best.

>>>however, not all relationships are built/formed in the real world. you and i may have had only one interaction in the real world, but i feel like i know you quite well from reading your blog, receiving your tweets, and looking at your linkedin profile. (jonray even better – i wish i was as transparent as him.)

this doesn’t mean that when i see you again i’m gonna give you a big hug, but i will know you much better than i did.
i’m not suggesting that we forgo face-to-face relationship development, i’m suggesting we kick start it by getting the simple stuff out of the way – the profile stuff. i wish new people i meet in the real world could just hand me a piece of paper that says everything about them (i’m just gonna google them later). …doing this does not bypass growth, it enhances it and allows us to get even closer, faster.

if the level/closeness of a relationship is on a number line and 0 represents a complete stranger and 30 is knowing their birthday and their wife’s name, it may take 7 real world interactions just to get to 60. what happens when we reach 100? it doesn’t just end, it keeps going, we get to know each other better and better. and that’s where things like trust and confidence can happen. where they can take on a new standard. that’s where you want to be.

this is a little off, but let’s use a father-son relationship as an example. i let my dad in on everything and i have kick started it by allowing him access to my photos, profiles, writings, etc.. stuff he would never have dreamt of telling his parents. because of this, he is able be a dad on a deeper level. to give me guidance in situations where none would have existed had we not gotten lower level things out of the way.

sharing brings people closer and closer, and there’s no ceiling on that. i agree, perhaps some things like color of undergarments need to be left out initially, but maybe not.

we can’t escape it. especially a millennial, growing up connected with things like facebook’s newsfeed, i just want to skip to the level 30 and start from there. to bypass the profile info, the ‘what you did today’ narrative. i just want to know that info. for it to be told to me instantly so we can jump ahead and talk about things that really matter, about emotions, how things made you feel, how we can work together, what goals we share. we (people today) are busy and have less and less time with others, to grow we need to be able to get to the substance as quick as possible.

that’s how we create trust and honesty, i want to jump start it.

when you share things on twitter, on your blog, about your life, allowing people in, you’re opening the door and making it possible for people to have a meaningful interaction with you. isn’t that what you want – to start the relationship at a higher lever. isn’t that what social media is all about. – sharing and connecting with a person or brand through means never before possible, except in person, to creating an emotional connection. a desire. an attraction.

… i wish people would carry a dossier everywhere so we could make this initial jump without having to go home and research them online.

to conclude, when my gf and i first started talking, one night while i was working on a project, i encouraged her to look at all my photos, read essays i’d written, journal entries, my blog -i wanted her to get to know me as soon as possible so i didn’t waste her time or mine with something that wasn’t going to work out. when we started having the pillow talks they started at a much higher level. because of this and continued honesty and openness, i believe we know each other far better than some couples who have been together for 10 years. – the same thing can be applied to business relationship.